


To My Light In The Night Sky

by SeleneDarkbloom



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Family Feels, Gen, Growing Up, No beta we die like mne, Self-Reflection, This time I'm hurting Noctis, brotherhood era, yay for Ignis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-24 22:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20366197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeleneDarkbloom/pseuds/SeleneDarkbloom
Summary: He grew and the world around him became darker. Slowly Noctis finds himself trying to hold on to the things he loves, and connecting again with a part of him he thought he had long forgotten.





	To My Light In The Night Sky

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fallintosanity (yopumpkinhead)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yopumpkinhead/gifts).

> I finally got around to expanding on a little scenario I wrote after screaming like an idiot because Noctis playing the piano was canon.
> 
> To Sanity because I screamed about it to you first and had we not shared thoughts on that, I would probably not have done this.

He had been in there for what he felt were hours, and a quick look at the clock told him he was right. Ignis had offered to help him with picking out what to get to his apartment — _ his. _ He never would have believed he would actually get to have a home of his own outside the citadel. 

It was both exciting and terrifying. 

He was thrilled at the partial freedom he was going to have, which was limited. He was still the crown prince. But he also felt so very nervous. He was going to be alone and so much could go wrong that he knew if he thought too much about it, he’d actually freak out. So instead, he decided to keep focusing on filling the boxes he had laid out in front of him. 

If Noctis was going to be even remotely honest with himself he didn’t know exactly what he was looking_ for _in there. The study was old and he hadn’t really been there in years, there was no actual reason anything he’d need to take would be there. Still, he kept looking. He rummaged aimlessly for a some time, eventually he found a book he knew all too well, and a faint smile pulled at the corner of his lips. It was a volume on astronomy for kids. The dark blue cover was worn out and filled with stains. 

_ Food stains. _

He loved that book, mainly for the pictures he liked so much. Ignis had showed him that book. In the nights after he was back from Tenebrae Noctis couldn’t sleep, his father couldn’t always be there — he knew why he wasn’t there, and he understood. It didn’t however, keep him from hurting — and so Ignis distracted him from the nightmares that were filled with blood, fire and screams. 

He caught himself missing those nights in a way. Not the nightmares, hell no to those. He missed the _ after _, when Ignis would show him the pictures in the book, and they would make a game out of who could spot more constellations from the balcony. Every time Noctis would correctly point one out Ignis would tell him a story about them. 

_ The Behemoth’s Horn _ was about a fearless hunter who took down a dreaded Behemoth King with his bare hands to keep his friends from harm. Noctis would listen attentively and wide-eyed to everything the older boy would tell him. _ The Snowflake _ was a tale about two lovers split by the blazing fire and united by the chill winds of winter. 

Noctis’ favorite would have to be _ The Dragon’s Heart. _ He remembers Ignis telling him that the story behind that one was about a man, lonely and ridden with sorrow. His family had been stolen from him by a ruthless beast. A fire breathing dragon who he swore to destroy so no one else would lose their loved ones. The man met the dragon face to face many years later, he had no fear and was ready to charge with his blade in hand. A brutal battle took place and he won. The beast was killed, his family had been avenged. But when the creature took its last breath it started to change, the wings became arms, _ human _ arms. The scales changed to a pale color and turned into smooth skin marred with crimson blood, in front of the man laid not a dragon, but his beloved wife. He screamed to the skies wishing he had known, and mourning the loss of the woman he loved yet again. For, twice she had been taken from him, the last by his own hands. 

It’s bittersweet, he thinks as he recalls how it goes. The story ends with the man finding his child alive, a dragon like his wife. And he swears to keep his child safe and happy, yet the man’s son didn’t want to be close to him. He had killed his mother. The father understands and grants his son his wish, but kept watching him from a distance. The boy knew, but he was too hurt to reach out. 

One day the villagers attack the small dragon, blaming him for all the bad things that happened and the father does not hesitate to come to the boy’s aid, fighting off every man and finally giving his own life so his son could live. The boy takes his father’s body away and buries him on the beach they used to go to, he wished he had said something sooner, that he had done something. But he didn’t. And he swore that never again would innocents die in senseless violence. The boy then grew into a mighty dragon and instead of being what people ran from, he was their hope. The one who kept them safe from evil. 

He didn’t know exactly why he loved this one so much. It was heroic but far darker than any of the others, it wasn’t exactly the most hopeful thing for him to attach himself to after the marillith attack and Tenebrae. Or maybe that’s why he did like it so much. He needed hope, and that’s what the story was. Things, as people said, were “darkest before the dawn”. And his 8 year old self needed to live by those words even if he didn’t really understand. 

Noctis puts the book inside a box to take with him and makes a mental note to show it to Ignis, maybe he’d like the little souvenir from their childhood. _ If he even cares about any of it anymore _… 

Noctis shakes the thought away. He and Ignis weren’t close like they used to be, but the thought that he didn't _ care _ was just… _ wrong _. And he knew it. Instead he adds “Thank Ignis for the stories” to his mental note. 

With a sigh Noctis decides to pick up the box and go back to his room, circling around the heavy wooden table when something catches his eyes. In one of the higher shelves on the wall to his left was a black book with faded gold patterns on the spine. He had never seen it before… _ Or maybe he was too small before, to notice it that high up _. There was something about it that called to him.

Bested by his own curiosity he pushed a ladder against the shelf and pulled it out. Along with it came specks of dust that shone gold when the sunlight coming through the large windows hit them. He got back down on the floor and took a better look at the book. It was roughly the same size of the notebooks he’d use for school, the patterns he saw on the spine were delicate flowerless vines that grew over to the black cover. On the lower right corner the initials _ A.L.C _were engraved in the same faded gold color. 

He opened up the cover and inside he saw a dedication in what he recognized to be his father’s messy-but-trying-to-be-neat handwriting “To my dearest Aulea. With love, Regis.” His eyebrows shot up and out of the frown he held when he realized the book was his mother’s. He knew very little of the late queen Aulea, his father barely ever spoke of her. And whenever he did it was with a mixture of sorrow and nothing less than pure adoration. 

Noctis thought he shouldn’t look at whatever it was inside, the weight of it felt heavy in his hands like he was being intrusive and going through his mother’s stuff… Quite literally in this case. But his curiosity got the best of him again and he turned the page and was met with various music sheets. Admittedly he was expecting anything but _ that _for some reason. He remembers his father mentioning her liking music in passing, but he had never thought she made her own. 

Flipping all the way to her last entry he almost dropped the thing on the floor. In the pages yellowed by time he could see the beautifully handwritten title “Noctis” and in the corner he sees his mother’s name. He is dumbfounded. 

_ She wrote that for him? _

He never knew his mother, she had died before he could make any memories of her, his mother was a mystery he learned from a very young age not to dabble into because he never liked how sad his father got when talking about her. There was something about holding this book in his hands, something entirely _ hers _ . Not a memory people had or what he was told about, this was _ his mom _. 

Noctis runs his fingers over the written notes and turns his head towards the unused piano he hasn’t touched since beating people up in training had become his stress relief. He wanted to hear what she had composed for him, but ultimately he just couldn’t bring himself to. Instead, he closed the book and briefly clutched it against his chest, the one piece of his mother, he finally had after many years. Noctis placed it on top of the astronomy book on the box and was about to make his way out. But he stopped where he was. He quickly took his mother’s book and put it back right where he found it. 

It wasn’t his book to take. Maybe his father would want it — it was filled with dust and untouched, he probably doesn’t remember it at all to notice — and so he leaves it there. 

He could at least say going to the old study wasn’t completely pointless. Just a healthy dose of a trip down memory lane. 

* * *

Two years.

Two years was all it took for things to take a sharp turn for the worse. And while he wasn’t looking, his father was slowly withering away. It made him angry, it made him sad. It made Noctis feel powerless. There was nothing he could do to keep his father there with him — not that they saw each other much anymore — and his death loomed over his head. Everyone made sure he didn’t forget it, nagging him about his duties as prince and how he is the future king. 

He doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want what it _ implies _. 

Yet he still tries to rise to the task, for his dad. He dedicates himself more to his studies, he keeps himself updated on all the things happening with the war, he tries to be self-sustaining and makes his own food. Though the success of the latter is _ questionable _… Who was he kidding, if he can make a toast and eggs it’s a stretch. Thank the Astrals for Ignis. 

It had been a couple of weeks since he found out about his father’s cane, when he was sitting at the dinner table with Ignis and fiddling with the food on his plate. 

“Noct, is the food not to your liking? You have barely touched it.” Noctis was too absorbed when he noticed Ignis had spoken to him.

“What?”

“The food highness, is it bad?” There was a worried look on Ignis’ face and Noctis almost felt bad, he probably was metally kicking himself for making bad food… Like that was remotely possible. Nothing he made was bad, except for vegetables. But that wasn’t really Ignis’ fault, just the vegetables _ existence _was to blame. 

“No! It’s great. I just spaced out for a minute.” He then proceeds to take a very impolite mouthful of food to his mouth to make a point, it _ was _really good. He grins at Ignis’ over dramatic sigh and they both continue eating. 

He must have spaced out _ again _ sometime later because Ignis seats on the couch beside him with a concerned frown.

“A gil for your thoughts?” Noctis remained silent.

“Highness, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine… What time are you going to the Citadel tomorrow?” Ignis’ frown manages to grow deeper.

“Early afternoon. Why do you ask?”

“I was wondering if I... could go with you?” That got Ignis visibly surprised and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

“Of course highness. May I ask why you suddenly wish to go there?” 

“I wanted to try and see dad. Haven’t done that in a while.” Noctis slouches and fiddles with his hands in front of him. 

“I am sure his majesty will be overjoyed in seeing you.” 

“Yeah.” 

* * *

The next day he finds himself walking aimlessly through the citadel halls. “The King will not be able to see you now.” 

Of course he didn’t _ expect _ his father to up and leave the meeting he was currently at, but it doesn’t mean that he didn’t _ want _ him to. He dodged every single staff member he could find, he really wasn’t in the mood for all of their court bowing right now. He enters through the nearest door he can find and quickly closes it behind him, leaning his back on it he sighs. 

He then stops to look around and see where the hell he is, and to his amusement he finds himself inside the old study. It had been a while since the last time, right before he moved to be more precise. Noctis walked in the relatively small space and it all seemed clean but untouched. 

Last time he was there he found a couple of unexpected things, the Astronomy book was somewhere in his apartment now and — damn! He forgot to thank Ignis for the stories,_ adding it to the mental note again it is... _ — the piano was still there in a well illuminated corner of the room, the broad glass windows allowed a lot of light to come in and shine above the instrument. 

He smiled faintly at another memory of his childhood and Ignis, it seemed this study was good for that. He had absolutely hated having to play the piano. And by hated it, he meant that a 6 year old Noctis _ despised _it with every fiber of his being. Ignis always ever so patient ,sat with him and told him they could learn together. 

_ “The one who can pick up the exercises first gets to eat cookies before bed.” _

He had to give credit to Ignis, always getting Noctis to do things — he wanders when was it that the bond they had waned so much that now they were starting it all from the ground and up again — and it worked. The surprise was that Noctis actually turned out to enjoy playing it. Like fishing, he could just set himself to do it and not really think about anything. It was… peaceful. But then Noctis grew older and the habit faded into the background of his mind. 

He had never told Ignis how much he loved their piano lessons, and how they’d intentionally mess up a key on the music and giggle like the kids that they were then. He had never told Ignis a lot of things. _It’s a thing with him isn’t it?_ _Not saying anything._ He didn’t thank Ignis for the late hours he’d stay up calming him after a nightmare, the stories he’d tell him… Noctis never said a thing about how much he likes that Ignis is simply _there_. Just like he never told his dad that he understands why he does what he does and that he is sorry for not doing enough, not being enough. 

He closes his hand into a fist, all of it suddenly swarming inside his head and he just… Everything seems to be at his grasp and then it all slips away from him. He and Ignis are not how they used to be, even if things are better now, it's not what it could have been had they never.. had _ he _ never pulled away. Now his dad is withering away right before his eyes and he feels _ alone. _

He rubs his hands on his face and lets out an exasperated sigh. Noctis allows his eyes to wander and they once again settle at that high shelf and on the black spine of his mother’s book. He stalked towards the stairs and picked it up, with a grip that turned his knuckles white he held onto it and made his way to the piano bench where he sat. Flipping through it he found the music his mother made for him again, he wasn’t ready to play it before, he isn’t sure he is _ now. _ So, he doesn’t play right away. No, he doesn’t know if it is his place to do so. It may have his name on it but it was _ hers _ and not his. Regis never really talked about her, or never really explained to him how she died. Only said that it was sudden and unexpected. _ Perhaps that would be better than watching someone wither away, _he thought has he played the first chord. 

It was a broken sound at first, he hadn’t touched a piano in years but soon enough muscle memory kicked in and he could glide his fingers through the keys as easily as if he had never stopped playing. The melody was hopeful and sweet and safe. It was home. He can’t really explain it in words… He just listens, and plays and feels. At that moment he just wanted to feel close to _ something _ , and so he held onto the melody as if his sanity depended on it, and maybe it _ did. _

* * *

Unbeknownst to him Regis was at the door, he had heard his son came to see him. He was happy and all he wanted was for that dreadful meeting to be over as quickly as possible. And when he did get out, no one could tell him where Noctis was. And he believed he had gone away. 

_ Cursed be that meeting. _

He walked around and back to his duties when faintly a familiar tune washed over his ears, one he had not heard for so many years, one that he never thought he would listen to again. He amused the idea that he might be going senile sooner than expected, it’s not like he would find his beloved Aulea by the piano with a baby Noctis at her side. The sound grew louder when he opened the study door. There he saw Noctis with his back towards him, hands gliding the keys to the melody his mother had created. Regis didn’t remember when or how Noctis came to find the sheets for it but tears welled in the corner of his eyes upon seeing him like this. 

Their son had her eyes, and some of the little things he did reminded him of her. But he never looked so much like his mother as he did then. And Regis thinks to himself how she still lives through him. He is their biggest accomplishment, their legacy and their love. Yet Regis remembers how soon, they would both be gone and his heart shatters. All he ever wanted was for his boy to live and to love and to be safe. The words of the prophecy echoed in his mind and he knows that he never had the chance to try and keep his child safe and happy like any father would. Ultimately he was doomed to fail.

He thinks about making himself known, but he walks away. It's painful and hard but he does so. He can’t bring himself to look Noctis in the eyes at that moment.

Regis was gone before Noctis could realize he was ever there.

* * *

The final note rang through the room and tears fell on the white keys below his head has he let himself break and fall into every piece he could. Noctis felt like he just met his mother for the very first time, the little piece of music she left for him makes him know her more than any of the pictures he had seen hung around the walls or what people told him of her. For the first time in his life he doesn’t feel like he wished he’d known her, he feels like he _ lost _ her.

_ He doesn’t want to lose his father. _

He wasn’t a prince or a future king, he was just a boy who wanted his family. All Noctis wished for, was being held by his mother and father so they could take all his worries away. He told himself for so long that he was fine, that he was strong enough…

He wasn’t. 

He would never be.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is wandering... The music she wrote for him is indeed NOCTIS from the game's OST.


End file.
